Men most of the time put just as much effort into their appearance as women do…sometimes it’s good, sometimes it’s bad, and a lot of the time it’s ugly.
Everyone makes mistakes…
Really, they do.
I do. You do. They do. She does, and he does.
But with the help of GQ, Myself and YOU( fashion monsters), I have come up with a list of some unforgivable NO’s.
So Gentlemen…please take this to heart…I’m not trying to run you down with hard words if you fit into any of these categories , I’m merely trying to better you…and run over your Affliction T-shirts…
Anything written in Purple Italic is what LFM (Le Fashion Monster) has to say…The rest is not our wording.
Courtesy of GQ.
1. Embellished jeans
Studded with rivets, designed with crystal swirls, embroidered, tattooed, painted…In your sincere attempt to be “hip,” you have actually ended up dressing like a seventeen-year-old girl.
LFM: No man should be overly embellished, it’s too much. I’m not sure I want to be seen with someone who is more embellished than me.
Highlighting, frosting, or bleaching your hair. Why is it the guys with the biggest muscles do the girliest things? Go tell your date you’ll pick her up as soon as you’re done “frosting your tips” and let us know how that goes.
LFM: Nice hair on a guy is great! I love when men maintain their coifs, but when they spend as much on highlights as I do…there is a problem. Also, if you’re naturally a blond, don’t fake it.
3. Mesh clothing
When you wear mesh, are you telling us you’re so hot that if you wore regular clothes they would burst into flames? These clothes are appropriate nowhere.
LFM: Mesh…I can’t even think of where to start with this. JUST DON’T DO IT, unless you’re a raver, in that case, stay away from me.
4. Ed Hardy
If you are over twenty-one and now working for a living, it’s the King of the Douches look. (See: Jon Gosselin.) Absurd. Don’t be a victim.
Ed Hardy, Affliction etc…the douchebag guido look is something to steer clear from, unless you want to be seen on www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com, in that case, go right ahead- douchebag.
5. Sunglasses indoors or at night
Comedian Larry David put it best… “You know who wears sunglasses inside? Blind people and assholes.”
Just because Corey Hart made a song about it, doesn’t mean it’s cool, that was the 80’s, this is NOW. Get in check…please. Also, you’re not a celebrity, you don’t need to wear them at night, nobody cares who you are.
6. Stupid t-shirts
Tell us you can’t read and we’ll leave you alone.
LFM: There is a BIG difference between GRAPHIC T-shirts and STUPID T-shirts. Just remember that! Venice Boardwalk T-shirts are the epitome of this fashion disaster.
7. Overly tan
Most women love a man who looks like he’s spent time outdoors – but there’s a limit. Like being too tan. George Hamilton valiantly attempted this for years, and they still voted him off Dancing with the Stars. There’s a lesson in there somewhere. And, even worse, spray tans. The only reason a man should have a tan is if he’s been in the sun. End of story.
LFM: I love men who are tan- but naturally tan. Tell me you went on a hike, or surfed, or played volleyball. If I heard a man say “I just got my spray tan”, I will run in the other direction. It’s not hot or sexy, it’s sad and gross.
8. Fur coat
Here’s a thought…give it to us. It will make a lovely throw at the end of our bed.
LFM: Unless you’re a Pimp…don’t think about it. Fur on men=gross. Simple as that.
9. Sports jerseys
Only acceptable at a sporting event. Actually, we take that back. This whole look is just plain queer. And by queer we don’t mean gay. A gay man would never be caught dead in one. They make you look like a big, lumbering seven-year-old.
LFM: Oh, well I am definitely biased on this one. If it’s a LAKERS j
10. Leather pants
Trust us, this never really works unless you’re Lenny Kravitz.
LFM: See above comment. I concur.
11. Overly cologned
Way to announce yourself six minutes before you actually enter the room. Yowza. Your strong and stanky scent is burning out our eyes. It’s also ensuring that no matter what we order for dinner, it will taste like Drakkar Noir.
LFM: I have sensitive allergies…please don’t over do your cologne. I like a man to smell good…but loads of cologne does not equal a shower. This isn’t France in the 1700’s.
12. Sideways baseball hat: A.K.A “the Hat Tilt”
Unfortunately, this has become a national epidemic. The fact that you stood in front of a mirror, making your puckered-lipped “I’m so cool” face, popping your “lid” at the perfect angle to get this exact look is so loserish it scares us.
LFM: You’re not a gang banger, and you’re not cool by doing this.
13. Tacky polyester suits
We would like to be with men who dress like they are of this era.
LFM: The only time this is acceptable is on OCTOBER 31st. ONLY if you grow the porn-stache.
14. Pinky rings
If you’re wearing a pinky ring, let’s consider what you’re telling us about yourself. You feel a kinship to fur coats, pimps, Vegas, drug dealers, mobsters, silk shirts, Guidos, and Liberace. If that’s what you want to tell us, okay. You just need to understand this look is very limiting. Sex? Fuggheddaboudit!
LFM: Unless your’e sporting…wait…never mind. This just isn’t cool.
LFM: Think SUPERBAD, when Seth says: “Nobody has gotten ahand job in cargo shorts since ‘nam!”. There you have it.
LFM: I hate feet, so I’m sorry, I don’t want to see yours.
What’s worse than sandals?
LFM: SOCKS with SANDALS! I’d rather see your feet so I can immediately scratch you off my list if your feet are unattractive. Just sayiinnnn’.